It's time to get serious everyone

Just in case you haven't heard,

THE RAPTURE IS GOING TO HAPPEN SATURDAY!

It's true! This upcoming Saturday will be judgment day and I'd like to

make sure that all of our followers are ready.

Major news networks have been blowing up the message started by a preacher from Colorado who says UNDOUBTEDLY that on Saturday we shall all be judged by God himself and the true believers will float off to heaven while the rest of the world stay on Earth as the end of days start to unravel.

I couldn't be more excited! I'd like to believe that all of my friends and our followers will join me in heaven so I put this helpful list together to not only help get you into Heaven, but also give you some travel tips too:

-Remember, you're going to float to heaven with no clothes on. Please be sure to be properly groomed and shaved.

-If you have any offensive tattoos, you had better get them covered up while you can!

-If you are afraid of heights, it may be a good idea to take a mild sedative to relax you during your journey.

-How long will your journey take? It's hard to say. Satan loving scientists have proven that God in fact does NOT live in the clouds. My prediction is that you'll have to actually float through space before reaching Heaven! What a view!

-The man that predicted all of this had predicted this before in 1994 and of course it didn't happen. This time it's going to happen though, he made a "mathematical error" last time, he's only human! This time he's hit the nail on the head. He even promised!

-Remember that you're going to Heaven and that Earthly money will serve no purpose. LUCKILY, the church that discovered that the rapture was going to happen is still taking donations!!! Since you won't need your money anymore you should go ahead and send it to this church. It's a kind way of saying "thanks for the heads up! SEND HIM YOUR MONEY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"

In the event that I am not allowed to go to Heaven, someone please send me pictures from your cell phone, I'm very excited to see what everything looks like. But then again, if I'm stuck on Earth as Hell begins to take over...that probably means I'd be on the US Cellular network and wouldn't get any reception (it is Hell afterall).

I'm not sure what time this is supposed to happen but I'm tattooing Drew Saturday and I don't want anything to interrupt the tattoo!

This will be one of my final posts (they do not have 3eyeunion in Heaven)

To the readers I'd just like to say "thank you" for reading the site. Thanks for buying t-shirts, thanks for slightly appreciating the efforts we have put in to this site.

Thanks for everything. I'll see you on the other side.