Corey + Gazelle = CorZel

The first post in over 1 month is a new video starring C-Purv. Please ladies and gentleman, go blow-dry your pants clean.

I'm about tired of lemons.

Know what's crazy? On this day I officially haven't eaten food for

SIX FUCKING DAYS. And I still have a bit longer to go.

I'm doing the "Master Cleanse" detox diet. It flushes out all the toxins and impurities in your

body and leaves you hallucinating about food at night when you're not shitting your guts out. It's great!

For the last six days I've had nothing but water, unsweetened herbal tea, and a "lemonade" made from

fresh squeezed organic lemons, organic maple syrup, hot as fuck cayenne pepper, and water. NOTHING FUCKING ELSE.

How's that for a meal.

"As soon as this is all over we need to start seeing other people for a while, lemons."

I did an "ease in" for a day, and now I'm day 6 out of the 10 I plan on conquering which will lead to a 3 day "ease out" period where my body learns to eat food again.

I'm feeling good so far, just a few days to go.

By the looks of my last headshot, it was well needed.

But really though, I'm not sure if I can remember how to chew.

Morbid 1st Person Missing-Cat Poster & Other Missing Animals

A neat side business is finding missing creatures. 

I watched hugo eat trash a couple nights ago. I approached him to only find out he still remains very fleet footed despite not having home cooked meals. Haven't seen him since though.

...

-

-

I really did help return this dentally challenged pig dog though. 

MISSING GRANDMA

How do you lose a grandma? I told the kid hanging it up that no-one is going to want to find a grandma that has spiders for eyes. Everyone hates spiders. 

This could save your life.

Survival skills are an essential asset to store in your brainy-brain.

Sure, many people know the basics of survival (how to make a fire with flint,

how to signal for help, how to make a treadle spring snares by cutting notches in branches at a 45 degree angle, etc) but there any many skills that even the most experienced survivalists may not know.

The following skills are excerpts from the book "Survival for Dumb Idiots" written

by legendary survivalist, Jerry "Moo-Moo" Crockey.

"If lost in the wilderness you can find your direction by locating

stars or even moss. If the view of the North Star is obstructed in the night sky,

try locating the Napple Moon and follow it west. The egyptians did it so

why can't I? Ask yourself that."

"Raising rabbits for meat in times of sparse food is a must. It is also important to

protect your meat rabbits from predators such as foxes or coyotes. Try breaking a

piece of straw and placing it on the rabbits forehead to simulate his eyebrows which will make him looks like he's really mad. Coyotes hate made rabbits."

 "My banana won't tell me what's on his mind."

 "Remember the phrase "safety in numbers." Staying with a group is a much wiser

and safer choice than traveling along. Try to stay in contact with dudes from Wisconsin with

mustaches. They can probably make you good elk chili."

"If someone in your group passes out, immediately shake them around and give them cpr.

If they haven't regained consciousness within 30 seconds, immediately butcher them for food for the next week. You can make really good strip steaks out of someone's thigh.

"If your friend from Wisconsin with the mustache throws up in your parking lot, immediately

scoop it up and store it. It will make a terrific fire starter after it dries!"

 "If needing to travel far on foot is a consideration, also remember to consider trasportation

by way of alpine sled. Just be good at riding them and don't die like

all those kids at Adventure Park in New Jersey."

"Save your money! Saving and spending wisely can let you focus on putting your money

towards purchasing important supplies or food rations. Don't throw your money away like these

ass heads."

"In times of emergencies you can sell your valuable vinyl duck toys for big 

monies. During the Great Depression William Brubbler sold his vinyl racing duck

for $3,600 (the equivalent of 18 billion dollars today.)

"Be sure to keep warm clothes handy at all times. This fashion model is sporting

the "Aroma O' Yellow" coat with the very sporty "Lice Hotel" cap. Lookin' good"

Original Jurassic Park

The Twentieth of April

Happy Holidays, honeys.

I hope you've got your stock of Reese eggs ready.

It's about fucking time!

Good lord almighty Jesus Christ of Nazareth am I excited!!!

Our wonderfully funny and devilishly charming best pals from across the ocean are coming to visit. Best part of all? They'll be here tomorrow night!

We haven't got to see them since 07 when Trevor and I went to England to pay them a visit.

We pick them up tomorrow night, sleep for a few hours, and leave early in the morning to Nashville so we can get this visit kicked off properly. They'll be here for a little less than two weeks and we will be on a mission to have a good time, make it plenty memorable, and protect them from getting mobbed by hoochies who think they're accent is cute.

Sorry it's been a minute. I've been deathly busy. Aside from tattooing constantly, I'm also in the middle of a few collaborative paintings, arranging guest spot travels, networking, and spanking my cats. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted on the ridiculous shit we do while Charlie and Clayton are you. You have my word.

Now go the fuck to bed.

NeW GF & HALLUCiCLOUD

Just would like to introduce everyone to my new girlfriend. 

She was caught egging male prostitutes. 

She LOVES it when I make progressive mac-compatible desktop backgrounds. 

She says it's irresistible - so I had to create another one.

It's called "HALLUCiCLOUD" and it's bound to get them stoner kids paralyzed. 

Click here to download - (Install instructions included)

Contributor Age Chart

An archaeological dig through 3 eye union reveals stunning facts about the contributors of the past and near present. 

3 Eye Union movie details leaked!

Exclusive!

Details from the anxiously awaited movie about the fun and quirky website 3eyeunion.com and the young men behind it have leaked to the public! Our friends at the hollywood gossip site hollywoodpeeper.com have sent us a few juicy photos of some of the actors chose to portrait these fine young men in the upcoming blockbuster.

New Mexico native "Cheif Rusty Water" will be playing the part of

Drew; the creator of the viral website.

Young actor Keith Bizzleman will be playing the role of website crack-up Chaz.

Keith commented, "These are big shoes to fill. I've studied tirelessly to understand Chaz. The way he walks and talks. I hope I do him justice!"

Acting legend Anthony Dukt will be playing fan favorite "C-purv." Anthony is best known for his leading roles in movies such as "Lost In Venezuela" and "The Trumpeter."

3EU Operation: Increased Communication Power

3EU Operation:  Increased Communication Power

Or "ICP"

CALLING ALL 3 E U ARTISTS

Operation Increased Communication Power (Or ICP) is the plan to increase our outreach in each of our own fields of business. I've intertwined a way (or weaved a web of ways) that we can all further our own goals with a couple perks on the side. Fuck the freemasons.

Increase the exposure of your art - increase customer base - advance the idea of liberty

Step 1: On Facebook - Like RON PAUL ART

The page is owned and operated by me.  

Step 2: Design / Paint / Draw art with either RON PAUL or LIBERTY in mind. 

Use your own style - own idea. Submit full resolution copy to submitpaulart@gmail.com

Please include a link to your facebook or website (as long as it is uploaded there as well - send direct link if possible)

Step 3: Wait for "Ron Paul Art" (me) to share the image on the page's wall.

Step 4: Like each others' posts and then share them to your own wall. 

Also share the page itself on your own wall to increase exposure for all of us. 

Benefits of OP ICP: 

Personal Website Exposure

&

Advancing the Idea of Liberty

Yap

Mom's spaghetti

A few days ago I got back from the Motor City Tattoo Expo in Detroit and

haven't had the time to make a post about it.

So here it is.

First off, I overslept and made us depart later than planned. I was fucking up

before the trip even started. Awesome!

Beau, Dusty, Nate, Jake, and myself showed up to the fucking maze of a building

where the show is held (and where everyone stays.) Jacob and David met us there.

"Welcome to the largest concrete corn maze in the world!"

We set our booth up in a fairly uncommon way, banner wise anyway. Longer central banner with roster and each artist's individual banner.

My side of the booth was incredibly cluttered. I couldn't put half of the stuff I brought on the table because it wouldn't fit. Look at how hard I'm pandering to you!

First day or so I kept getting lost everywhere in the building. Fucking hell, there's cars parked all over sections of it. I was hoping some rowdy drunk person would hot wire one and try to drive it up the escalator.

This was the view from Nate and Dusty's window which was way better the view Beau and I had. We could just see a big chunk of Windsor, Canada and some water...and into the windows of a business building like 20 feet away. I drank orange juice and watched them use powerpoint.

We went to the "meet and greet" party and was excited to hear that the beer was free. Had a couple drinks and met a few cool cats. After that we ordered 2 pizzas that were like 10 pounds each. The next morning the convention opened up to the public so I figured I'd get some rest. I was also suffering from a sinus infection so I was kind of miserable a chunk of the time.

I drew this piece before the show in hopes that someone would want to get it tattooed.

I was lucky enough to do it. This was the last tattoo of the convention that I did. So why the fuck did I post it first? shit.

A girl who tattoos in Michigan asked me if I would do one of those moths with the skull on it's back. I drew this thing up and blasted it on there. The booth was so full, it was crazy. There were a few times where we had every tattooer in the booth working at the same time. It was crowded and hectic but was a lot of fun too.

A girl from Alabama (who dates a cool tattooer who was working the show as well) told me she had been thinking about getting a tattoo relating to greed and then seen this piece on my newest flash set and really wanted to get it done. I was stoked to do it and afterwards she gave me a whole bunch of books that I'm actually excited to read.

All in all it was a really good time. I did fun tattoos, hung out with my friends, met a ton of awesome people, sold paintings and prints, stared at slutty girls wearing next to no clothes, and made a couple bucks too.

I just had to post this:

I come home and try to get caught up on my appointments. I had a guy come in and told me that he wanted to do 7 kid's names as a tear out. I had no idea what to do but sketched something up hoping it would work out and look good.

You haven't seen a tear out until you've seen a 7 kid name tear out.

3 Eye Union Tattoos

Drew, Joel, and I all decided to get matching tattoos to show
our hard work and dedication to 3 eye union.

Thanks Yana

For your immediate and prompt response. You have earned some credibility in mine third eye.

Git'n ready to hit the court

Ling Ling's father makes his first 3eu appearance.

(That's a card board cut out he's standing behind in case you're too high to realize)

My Message

Press conference: Feb. 20th 2012, 12:03p.m.

"It has come to my attention that there is a threat even more terrifying than heavy metal music. This threat is, what I believe to be the most hard hitting issue we face today. I'm talking of course of the slanderous post made about Trevor Yana. He is a great person with fine hind quarters and a smile that could brighten any room. A smile so bright it would kill Dracula on a moonless night. As president I will put a stop to this cowardly act against humanity. As God is my witness, I will God Damn get this done. Thank you and God bless. Drew I'm watching you."

Rawrlacopter

Your future is looking fancy

This fortune cookie was an illiterate asshole.

But guess what.

I've finally committed to actually making a podcast.

THATS RIGHT! My podcast is in the works as we speak. It will be a comedy show

with comedy styling. I'm truly hoping it will be comedic.

We're still in the writing and planning process but we're shoot to have it dropped by

Friday, February 17th.

Please get excited and unhealthily obsess over it's upcoming arrival.

You'll be happy you did.

Asking for 3EU assistance.

So it's time to choose the official poster for the biggest Ron Paul event to date.
Mine is on the right. The shepard fairy ripoff is the competition.

I've already got my rocks off enough with the poster because it's being used as both of the event creators facebook display pics, used as hundreds of other facebook profile pics, and was also used in the press release. But now the vote is here to choose which will be mass printed and passed around Washington DC. 

Normally I would say let the better poster win.

And I was saying that the whole time I was winning *snicker*

But then I saw the creator of the poster on the left asking his facebook friends to vote for his poster.

He has around 4000 facebook friends. His poster jumped up only 9 votes or so - but it gave him a solid lead. 

So...

game on.

VOTE HERE!


Couple links to where my poster is being used currently:
Combat Veterans for Ron Paul
Official event facebook page - 1400 confirmed
Sodahead
Event Coordinator
Press Release

C-Purv's 21st B-day Bash-Mash

Time to celebrate the c-purvs legality of starving his brain of oxygen by consuming alcohol.

It seems like just yesterday he was shittin' his diapers. 

And now he's old enough to grow a nose neighbor and carry a briefcase. 

Anyways, yes, lets drank at Joels this Friday.

C-Purv x Mike Jones

Long story short...

Me and Mike after a photoshoot. Yeah, we smoked blunts.

Here's one of the photos I took of him:


I'll leave you with this

Propaganda Update:

"C-Purv 'shot' famous rap artist Mike Jones Tuesday afternoon here in Fort Wayne, IN." -3NN

Billion Dollar Movie Viewing Party

My house.  Friday, 10:00 PM

Snacks/drinks/fun won't be provided. Bring own.

Sneak Peak of The M5

On the last New Years Eve (a few weeks ago) Trevor and I started on a project.

On 12/31 at 6 pm we broke ground on this spectacular structure. We appropriately

named it "Mr. Magic Man's Magical Mansion" (M5.)

Yes, this will be the future home of our beloved mascot and resident troublemaker.

The mansion will be fully furnished and will supply Mr. Magic Man with anything a

paper scribble could want.

This northwest view of the home displays it's unique octagonical kitchen area below it's beautiful and spacious Peeky Creeper balcony. Along with it's functioning front doors this home also sports a beautiful imported toothpick roundy window.

The picture above shows the kitchen's beautiful detail including an imported watercolor paper table and chair and masterfully framed oil painting.

A look through the side window displays Mr. Magic Man's living room complete with

hand crafted couch and table, Norwegian stairway, flat screen tv, and a scaled down Mar. '86 issue of Juggs magazine. This truly is the place for magic.

(Reader Question):

"How do you look at the inside? Can you take the roof off or open up the back of the house?"

(Answer):

NOPE! That's part of the joke. Once it's sealed up, that's it!

Someone can't come pull the roof off of your house, you fuck. Why should you

be able to do that to HIS house!?

Finished house coming soon!

Trevor.....the man....the genius....the legend

I've been a contributor to this blog for some time now and have yet to make a post. So today I thought I'd give you a bit of a back story on who I am and were I come from. Here is my entire true life story

I was born in 1921 in a stable surrounded by farm animals. My mother a virgin, and my father a very confused and suspicious carpenter. At the time of my birth I'm told two or three strange men showed up to give me gifts. I'm not really sure why. I grew up in a town called Wabash Indiana. You might know it for being the birth place of Russel Crow, Bill Shakespeare, Johnathan Taylor Thomas, and Tom Delong (from Blink 182). But us locals know it for being the birth place of the automobile, the first place to experience rain, the creation of Adam and Eve, and the invention of volcanoes. I moved away when I was 10 to follow my dreams of becoming an NBA basketball star. I almost made the team in Orlando but Shaq skewed me over. From there I worked odd jobs and made my way across the country. I was had a lucky hand in poker that won me a ticket on the famous steam ship Titanic. I fell in love with a gall that unfortunately perished when the ship sank. Our story was made into a movie. All though the ending was changed I still own one of the largest and most valuable diamonds in the world. After I made it back to the states I worked the scene and became the a stage juggler for the band Prodigy. We had a good time touring in the 90's but I had to give that life up because I had bigger goals. I moved to hollywood as a writer for touched my an angel. I got fired for trying to make the black lady say fuck on screen. But on set I met and became fast friends with a fellow named Joel Janiszyn. From there we traveled the rest of the US and much of Canada. We ended up back in Indiana were he fell in love with a turtle dove and I settled in to a cozy cabin. In this cabin I honed my skills of walking on my hands and kicking dandy lion spores off their stems.

Now you know me. Don't be afraid to say hello sometime faggot.