Me

I got the last post!

Last post of the year!

Rot in Hell, 2010

Have you seen this man?...

WANTED

Dead or Alive

Ku Lounge

A late X-mas gift to all of our readers:

From the 3eyeunion toy department, we introduce....

The C-purv paper doll!

This great toy lets you take 3eyeunion's very own C-purv everywhere that you go!

Dress him up or dress him down, the choice is yours! Now C-purv can accompany you to work or school, or just lounge around with you at home.

Q. "How do I get my very own C-purv paper doll?"

A. It's easy!!! This is all you have to do:

-Click to enlarge each doll sheet (4 in all)

-Print at home or at a copy center. (You may want to "fit to page") Remember, a heavier paper will work better.

-Carefully cut out your C-purv doll and all of his clothes and accessories.

(Don't cut off the white tabs)

-Put clothes on your doll by simply folding the tabs over C-purv's back.

The C-purv paper doll makes a great gift! Ages 3+

MERRY late fucking CHRISTMAS

Joels x-mas is a blurr.

This is what he can(t?) remember:

Chat is LIVE BRO

Corey went to Amsterdam

The HotnReady brothel was slashin' prices.

I get asked EVERY FUCKING DAY...

"Hey Joel....*giggle*....what's the weirdest tattoo you've ever done? *giggle*"

Well gee, I honestly don't know. I've definitely done some strange and bizarre tattoos.

For example, please take a look at this tattoo that I did today:

Yep. Those are two crying M&M's. Some pretty bummed out candies we have here. Along with tears, the peanut guy is even holding a bouquet of flowers as he lovingly holds the hand of his red friend.

The strangest? No. Top 50 strangest I've ever done?

Yeah, it's probably there.

Stocking Stuffers

This time of year can be tough, especially when money is tight...

For 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel you can get your loved one
a pregnancy test as well as a reality check:

This bargain of the century makes for an easy stocking stuffer!
Come get yours while supplies last.

Mr. Cool

3 Eye Union - Now with Video Chat

www.3eyeunion.com 

Fucked up dreams explained(?)

The night before last I had a really strange (terrible) dream. Could it be my subconscious trying to relay a message or realization to me?

Or maybe it's just some fucked up dream that happened for no particular reason.

Anyway, I will now give a brief description of my dream and then show what 3 dream analysts that I work with had to say about it:

The Dream:

While sitting around at the apartment I happened to find 3 or 4 big nasty bumps down around my pubic area. Keep in mind, these blemishes weren't actually on my ding-dang, it was much more G-rated than that. After noticing these bumps I went into the bathroom to inspect them. At first I decided they were just razor bumps or something similar, but upon further inspection I decided they were something similar to large pimples and needed to be destroyed immediately. I attempted to pop the first one and after a few minutes I finally made progress and exploded the bastard. Much to my dismay though, instead of the normal puss and goop that usually comes out of a zit, this was instead A HUGE, BARBED, PARASITIC WORM. It began thrashing around violently and I could do nothing but shriek like a little bitch girl as I ripped a foot long spiky worm out of my pube mound. This continued for the others as well, but Marissa was kind enough to help yank these things out while I jumped around screaming and going crazy.

Then, fast forward a bit and I'm at an ex-girlfriend's brother-in-law's house and his backyard is awesome. It's like a tropical paradise with palm trees, huge mini ramps to ride bikes on, and other random stuff that would be fun to fuck around with. This section of the dream isn't really important.

The Analysis:

Dr. Beau - "The parasitic worms represent your sexually deviant tendencies and you have come to the conclusion that you would like to rid yourself of these tendencies (just like to did with the worms.) The tropical paradise represents your love for your beautiful asian wife"

Dr. Pat - "You were just drunk" (which is true...)

Dr. Jak - "Do your laundry more often"

Thanks for the help, gents.

"Thanks for visiting 3eyeunion! We're so happy you stopped by!"

Hey!!!

Sorry I've been slacking. I was going to post something earlier tonight but I got drunk and fell asleep. Since it's the season for giving, I have a project in the works for all of our viewers.

Coming to a computer screen (and perhaps more) to you VERY SOON.

Stay tuned.

3 Eye Union - Collection

3 Eye Union - Collection

After I decided to create a compilation, me and C-Purv collabed and created this inspiring collection of music aimed for altered states of reality. Download this album and play it during your next "ritual"!

Download

Good and Bad news? Bad first? Okay;

Bad News:

This is a 3 eye union Mr. Magic Man slaying kit.

Good News:
Through a stroke of genius I have decided upon a new project for 3 eye union. Not crazy big, or anything.. but it will still be egg-sellent.

For some reason...

...I just couldn't take him seriously. Not sure why.

Circa 1999

Found a strange man on my gameboy camera!

Yana!

A tribute to grandma:

This is a tribute

To my wonderful grandma Helen.

If you know me, then you know how much I appreciate my grandma Helen. She has been close to me for nearly my whole life and I feel like I wouldn't be the happy and well-rounded young man I am today without her. She was always more than welcoming with good advice and life lessons.

Here are some inspirational quotes that have stuck with me through the years.

- A good waiter, tip him once. A GREAT waiter, tip him twice!

- Smile with your feet.

- If the task is sour, the reward must be honey.

- If it's too hot to handle, it's too hot for sandals!

- Marinate your life with the spices of memories and laughter.

- Friends are like mailboxes and your stories are like letters.

- If you can't picture it in your mind, draw it with your heart.

- Family is like a flower. Soil is the memories, the sun is love, and the glucose is joy.

- Love is the money that pays the debt of loneliness.

- You can't teach an old dog new tricks but your old dog can trick you!

- A quiet home is a peaceful home.

- Be grateful for every birthday because one day you'll have cake no more.

I love you grandma Helen

(1912 - 2010)

Live blogging during chrimbus commercial breaks.

Reeses cake



Reeses monster cups




Floor television sets

Guess who!

Day at the automechanix

Me and C-Purv spent the day in an auto-mechanics world where we learned their beautiful sayings and dabbled in their rich culture.


Tire rolling is their most celebrated art and sport. Not everyone is aloud to compete, but the story goes if you are challenged to roll a tire; you must compete or be forced to wear used paper funnels on your elbows all day.

Although C-Purv's daring ice jump seen below did gain him some notoriety in the awards ceremony,
unfortunately he did not beat Chuck Jones who bravely rolled a tractor trailer tire across the interstate.

_______________________________________________

One might think this is just a disgusting water filled ashtray. I beg to differ.
In order for an auto-mechanic to earn his right of patch; or his name patch on his jumpsuit, He must pile one hundred and twenty cigarette butts in an ashtray to form a spiritual tobacco oasis. The number 120 is symbolic of the number of ball bearings in a standard automobile.
If any cigarette butts fall onto the pavement they are subjected to an evening of ridicule and must start the whole ceremony all over again.

It looks like someone is about to get their patch! Just fantastic!

_______________________________________________

Here at the altar you can see various religous texts, framed and displayed. 

Every morning, brunch, and midnight, automechanics P2P; or "Pray to Pennzoil"

_______________________________________________

3 Auto-mechanic sayings:

1) Life is a well oiled vehicle; and automechanics fit best in the passenger seat. 

2) A friend with a jack; ALWAYS appreciates a snack. 

&

3) Only one person to hire if you got a flat tire!

In addition...

to Joel's post...

Omg I can't wai

Chrimbus celebration this Sunday!!!

If someone called all of us here at 3eyeunion "rapists"...

I would say "thats not true, you jerk"

If someone called us "fascists"...

I would say "shut up you dumb idiot"

If someone called us "nerds"...

well....they would be right.

You're probably well aware just from perusing this site that we here at 3eyeunion are

DIEHARD, FOAMING AT THE MOUTH,

Tim and Eric fans.

I mean, for fucksake! Just take a look at this year...

We met up every Sunday and didn't miss a single episode of Season Cinco

(go ahead and check back to February's posts, we posted the day of the premier)

We made the 35 minute drive every Sunday back to the doghouse to catch the new episodes of Check It Out

5 of us made it to Chicago for the Live show a couple of weeks ago and now this Sunday we get to celebrate the one hour Chrimbus special!!!

(No shit, we got cable just so we would be sure to not miss it)

Chrimbus Premier Spectacular

Sunday, Dec 5th

Premiers at midnight

@ Ku Lounge

(Rsvp's suggested)

Have yet to work some of the bugs out of the final gathering, regardless it will be a treat!

Get your Chrimbus bush trimmed and wet.

Finished up some paint stuff, blah blah blah

I Don't think we've had some artwork posted up for a minute so let

me enlighten you with some of my recent paintings I've finished.

ok? alright....

8x10 watercolor painted for C-purv in trade for a piece he had in an art show at St. Francis

11x14 watercolor flash sheet for fun. Really stoked on the piece with the girl and the horse. Almost kind of tells a story, ya know?

11x14 watercolor painted as a gift for my mom's birthday. I should probably actually get around to framing it and finally get it to her...

Watercolor on large sheet of cold press (22x36 I think?) Anyway, I've been working on this one on and off for several weeks now and I was happy to finally get it done. Can't go wrong with Stiff Little Fingers lyrics, right?

Just to show the size of this painting I decided to lay it on my girlfriend's face while she was sleeping so you would have something to compare the size to.

Paintings are for sale, see my facebook page or shoot me an email to t1riderjoel@gmail.com

...wait a minute. The people who check this site can't even afford a fucking 13 dollar t-shirt, dropping a chunk of change on an original painting is seeming a bit farfetched come to think of it....

Thanks for looking, hugs and kisses.

(the inappropriate kind)

Happy thanksgiving from 3eyeunion

Think this is what her view would look like from

the spinny-table?

(frightening)

Sky High

What's my new pass time?

www.chatroulette.com

Just some weird thing where you get connected to some weirdo from somewhere in the world who is usually some ripped frat bro who is shirtless in his room or some creepy fat guy knocking his own dick around.

Anyway, to make a long story short, of all people to actually try to talk to me it was 3 asian girls from California.

Asian babes, Marissa, and myself ended up talking to each other for 4 hours, discussed everything imaginable, and now we are all the best of E-friends.

Weird, hmm?

Erin, Sandi, and Minjoo....

We send our love. Keep in touch, and spread the gospel of 3eyeunion

(and send those damn shirt modeling photos)

Hey! Do you want a fancy x-mas gift from us!?

Well it's easy to get one!

Rejoice! It's the 3 eye union holiday email contest!

It goes like this:

We have an email address just for the site, all you have to do is send us a photo of something with "3eyeunion.com" included included in it. We'll browse through and check out all the nonsense you flood our inbox with and the sender of the best photo gets a fabulous box of fabulous goodies delivered to them via the Fabulous United States Postal Service.

Oooh baby! It's so exciting I've got butterflies in my spine!

Here's the gosh dang skinny...

-It must be YOUR photo. None of that google image bullshit, and don't even try to photoshop the "3eyeunion.com" in there. Make it legit!

-Send us awesome things. Draw us a picture, spray paint our URL on your uncle, or just marker "3eyeunion.com" across your tits (always timeless, and we won't tell your boyfriend)

Anyway, get to it! Send submissions to 3eyeunion@gmail.com

Contest ends December 18th. Prize will be mailed December 19th so it arrives by Christmas (hopefully.) We'll probably have some runner up prizes too.

Get your camera/get wild.

Microwavable Democracy

Answer the poll! 

Research this subject matter first: 

Click --->  C-Purvs Winged Burrito <--- kcilC

Nugget Nelson - More or less ridiculous than C-Purv's Winged Burrito?

Way more, BroooA little less, but still ridiculous!Is that burrito a hot-pocket?...Smoke me out!!

Preaching to the union - in German!

Captions have been included for the unilingual.

COMMENTARY INCLUDED!

3 Eye Union, We gotta have a talk...

Liberate Consciousness

I designed a full size ( A2 ) poster. Get yourself a copy printed at staples ya dangus!

Couple photos of production. Forgot to take screenshots along the way other than these two.

Finished Poster, Click to expand!