It comes a time in every young blogs life that a new segment is developed.... ramble about your grandfathers past yodeling records... and then onto said segment.
The Ball State Ass Slapper
Backstory:
"On April 7 at approx. 10:50AM, an emergency email was sent to BSU students and faculty warning them of a man who reportedly smacked 2 women on their butts."
...EMERGENCY email?
According to locals a man on a bicycle has been slapping the fuck out of some asses. Some find it rather humorous (probably those who have rather thick callouses on their asscheeks) while others have nearly had their asses scared off. Either way there is a major ass problem in Muncie, Indiana right now.
The unidentified slapper has gained facebook fame and has gotten over 14,000 fans on a page dedicated to him. The page can be found here.
Slapping Problem?
Dr. Kay Bales, Dean of Students, is not taking this sporadic spanking very lightly.
Lesser distinguished News 8 reports:
Although 3eyeunion cannot confirm this at this point in time; we do believe that the violent ass slapper has been slapping his entire life. In fact, he began slapping at a very early age. According to insiders that 3eyeunion obtained, the subject learned how to slap asses from his mother when he did not finish his vegetables, more specifically his steamed carrots.
He probably slapped his way through gradeschool and all the way into college where he continues slapping to this day. We know that his first job was at a rodeo where he would rigorously slap the asses of bovine in order to get the show on the road.
No-one foresaw that he would become an esteemed ass slapper with nearly 15,000 documented fans.
We may never know the true identity of this man or what his cause may be, but we have learned one thing; sexual assault may actually be the quickest way to celebrity stardom.
This is Drew J reporting on behalf of 3eyeunion.tk
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ReplyDeleteI want in on this!
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