C-purv sez:

Well sed.

Saturday

Before getting sketchy.

quick jam

I did this tattoo real quick before leaving the shop today on a cool client of mine. He's a stand up comedian and decided he wanted to wear these words for the rest of his life.

What does it all mean?

Come. Come here the gospel.

P.S.

Want to know some facts I learned tonight after work?

-3 suits are too many.

If you own 3 suits you have too many suits. Reevaluate your life.

-Getting drunk and making wills is a ridiculous concept

"If you request a certain person comes to your funeral in a cowboy hat...that person is going to feel like shit if he doesn't actually carry out that wish. He has to do it."

-Charlie Sheen doing blow and talking shit about someone is much more important to know about than people overthrowing their governments and struggling for peace.

fuck it.

Message from my nephew

fuck a table

While Trevor and I were in England we spent a few night at Charlie and his mom Kate's house. See this table here? Take note of it.

Go ahead, read on...

This is Boner and he's a wild man. One night while we were there, there was a crazy party at Kate's house. Fucked up music, lots of coke being sniffed off of dinner plates, and of course a ton of booze. While I was cleaning out some British kids' bank accounts by rolling dice, Boner was sitting on the same balcony overlooking the kitchen that he is pictured on here... but not for long. Boner was a little too drunk and ended up falling off the balcony and crashed through the table loaded up with drunk people below.

Table was shattered, Kate was drunk and pissed, and everyone else laughed until they nearly threw up.

I just remembered that story.

And now YOU know the story.

The story of the fucked up table.

Hey, whatcha got?

"Watcha reedin for?"

I decided to call last week "bicep curls for your brain."

I put my paintings and other fantastic duties to the side and decided to do a bit of reading.

Here were some of my selections.

Enjoy.

I found "You can surf the net!" at a local thrift store and let me say...

NOW I CAN SURF THE WEB!

How else would I be able to make this post!?

"You can surf the net!" was an amazingly helpful resource. It helped with everything from troubleshooting my dial-up to helping me set up an e-mail address to stay in touch with my family and friends! I give this book a 4/5 rating.

If you want to borrow it you can send me an email to joeljaniszyn16@compusa.gascity.in.com!

I recently came across this intriguing stack of books at Taylor University's library.

I thumbed through "The Homosexual Crisis" and I just couldn't put it down! But, I decided to pick up "Is The Homosexual My Neighbor?" instead. I rate it: NO STARS! This was not a good book in the least bit. Turns out it was some preachy and slightly philosophical look into accepting gay people into your life. Fuck that, I do that already.

I took the title a bit too literally and got the book to see if it would help me determine whether or not my neighbor Crackhead Kenny was gay.

He has weird black men show up at all hours of the night....

Oops, my fuck!

CLICK

Just stop it.

Iced

^^Click^^

Been super busy as of late so I haven't been able to make any posts really. It's been pretty shitty, but not quite as shitty as the back view from Joel/Marissa's house:

I think it's time for a staff meeting

I think we need to head back to the meeting room.

I don't know about the others, but I'm pretty sure we need to have a meeting...

a serious meeting.

Look at this, we have 5 "contributers" and there seems to be only 2 that actually DO post

*nods at self in mirror*

I think the time has come to hire a new contributer. A contributer with fresh ideas, a sense of humor, and preferably an Iphone.

You can always send a resume and portfolio to 3eyeunion@gmail.com but we pretty much hand pick our contributers. It wouldn't really do you any good but you could still do it so we can turn you down.

But of course this is private staff business. Why am I telling YOU about it?

Come to think of it...why the fuck doesn't our other contributers post!?

If I only had a clue....

Editor's note:

The previous post was requested to be taken down.

While I usually ignore such requests, I decided to be grant this particular viewers request.

And replace the entire post with this. A picture of a vase of beautiful flowers.

Stuff on my cat

3 Eye Union had it first!

www.stuffonmycat.com

If only they knew it wasn't my cat.

Austin Rowe Revelations - Opposing Viewpoints

Click to Enlarge. This is

THIS POSTs

View from the police man

God. Damnit. People.

Okay...I'll be honest.

I'm a little peeved.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I just don't fucking understand.

This girl came in tonight with this "start" to a candy themed "half sleeve."

Isn't that just sweet!?

(see what I did there?)

I'm going to give you an important life lesson.

A lesson that could really help you out in the future.

Shut up. Fucking listen.

If you get tattooed out of someone's house (regardless of whether or not they "used to have a shop" or "I've actually seen them do good work), you are an idiot.

If you go to a shitty shop and get a shitty tattoo because you're going to save a measly $20 instead of going to a different shop and paying a pinch more to get a REAL tattoo, you are a piece of shit.

If you let some fuckwit who bought a "tattoo kit" off of the internet "practice" on you for the sake of letting them gain "experience", you are a really big piece of shit

If YOU are the one who buys a "tattoo kit" off the internet and aspire to "learn" how to tattoo out of your house, you are the biggest piece of shit and you need to get your goddamn thumbs cut off.

It boils down to this:

Save up your money. Go to a GOOD tattooer, a tattooer who has a portfolio that you have looked at. A tattooer at a REAL shop who went through a REAL apprenticeship. Get a fucking real tattoo.

Brutalize a scratcher.

Sorry to pop off like that. Was this a little too serious for this site?

8==> ~

There, thats better.

Don't Understand

POULTRON 9000

3 Eye Union Art Tutorial

3 Eye Union member and professional tattooer Joel Janiszyn

will teach you how to draw a cool skull.

"Skulls are great because they all have a similar shape and flow to them but even better, you can add your own style or details to make it your own"

What you will need:

1 pencil

1 eraser

1 pen or marker

A sheet or two of paper

1 pack of camel lights (not mandatory but recommended)

1 mp3 player playing Flying Lotus's "Los Angeles" at top volume (not mandatory but recommended)

TIP:

Remember to make preliminary sketches and references marks light and erasable. Also, don't get discouraged. Drawing anything well takes a lot of practice.

First, draw two circles. Size doesn't matter as long as you keep the rest of the skull proportional with them. For inspiration, think of a young, snobby, rich girl who's father bought her breast implants for her 19th birthday and while looking nice in a shirt, her tits are unnaturally round and seems to separate from each other.

Draw a center line between the circles. Draw a "U" centered on the center line and make the "U" come up to the bottom of the circles. Add a smaller "C" shaped swirl to the left of the "U" shape. Now, to the right of the "U" shape bring down a small "N" shape. From the vertical center of this, make a horizontal line. From the center of this new line, make a slightly longer vertical line. From the bottom of this new line, draw a light horizontal line going to the left.

Lightly draw a line from the top of the circles horizontally going left. About the width of the left circle, draw a 135 degree angle coming down about the distance of where the bottom of the "U" shape is. Bring a 90 short line off the top of the angled line and one on the bottom pointing in the opposite direction. Take this shape and draw it again rotated about 90 degrees. This part is tricky and may take some practice.

Directly to the left of the angled lines, draw a fried egg. Also include a fork getting ready to break the yolk above the egg and angle it slightly to the right. Directly under the "U" shape starting at the "light line" draw an upside down letter "t". Make a horizontal reference mark slightly above the cross on the "t".

Centered above the circles, draw a hungry cat looking at the fried egg. Be sure to make the ears pointy and long. Don't forget to have cliche tongue sticking out and a look of desperation in his eyes.

Make 2 vertical lines the height of the reference marks to the left of the upside down "t" and one vertical line to the right. Evenly space them. Using the same spacing, draw a curved line on both sides. See photo above for further demonstration.

Now for the fun part! Draw a big curved line from the middle of the right circle up to the top of the cat's left ear. Draw a curvy line from 3/4 up on the curved line that was part of the series of vertical lines that we made earlier. From the bottom of this new line draw a curvy line going up to the middle right section of the right circle. Connect the series of vertical lines we made in the last step by putting a wavy line on top and bottom directly over the reference lines. See photo for reference. Also, don't forget to make the top of the "U" shape have a point on top.

From the top of the hungry cat's left ear, continue the rounded line around to the left of the fried egg. From there, continue rounded line to the bottom point of the angled shape we made earlier. Then, bring a slight curve down from that point.

Bring a short curved line from the bottom of the angled shape down to the wavy lines under the circles and "U" shape. Make sure it is about an eight of the way down from the top wavy line. From the bottom wavy line, draw a new line (about an eight of the way from the bottom) and curve it around underneath. Keep it fairly parallel to the bottom wavy line (don't be afraid to add a little "wiggle" to the line to add your own personal touch.) Finally, finish the line by bringing it up until it touches the long rounded line we made earlier. See the photo above for a good demonstration.

Finally, with your pen or marker trace the outside lines of the skull. Don't forget to trace the eye sockets, nose cavity, teeth, jaw gab, and cheek lines. Erase all of your reference lines and you are good to go!

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!

Now that you have the knowledge and some reference you can draw skulls anytime and on anything you want! You can always add variations on some lines to alter the shape and appearance on your skulls. You can add indentions, cracks, and other detail to make the skull more intricate.

Don't forget, practice makes perfect!

Happy skulling!

My name is Joel and I can draw a goddamned skull.

Cleaning out the Iphone; part 739

Instead of just posting up a string of photos...

I'll include a short commentary to accompany each rich and tasty photo.

"Had some foreigners in the house. They were always throwing up or wrestling or breaking things. I miss them."

"This one was from the dog house. We named that lizard Tyrese or something. She claims to still have him somewhere but she's probably lying."

"I don't know...they think beer is funny or something."

"I put a tattoo on Tony's leg and Megan was snapping photos of it. It's funny to take pictures of people taking pictures. I don't think she knows that this site exists because Tony keeps it a secret. COME CLEAN TONY!"

"Smokebreak outside work during the fall. That's really about it."

"I don't mean to be a jerk...but this guy was pretty gross. I just remember in horror watching him get a sandwich made. She would say "is that enough ranch sauce?" and between heaving breaths he would heavily whisper "go ahead and put a little more." He did that with every god damn condiment."

"Outside Beau's house during art night. This was taken sometime in the A.M."

"This is the cutest coke addict you'll ever see"

Well... thats it.

No more. Get lost.

(But not TOO lost! Thanks for swinging by, please come again)

(cum again)

3 Eye Union - Our Little Secret

Pizza window

Dog looks in

Pepper rise to power

I see that my pepper of a post has now taken 3rd place in most viewed. Spicy.

Been busy with a wikileaks project.

Here you go
Bird