Survival skills are an essential asset to store in your brainy-brain.
Sure, many people know the basics of survival (how to make a fire with flint,
how to signal for help, how to make a treadle spring snares by cutting notches in branches at a 45 degree angle, etc) but there any many skills that even the most experienced survivalists may not know.
The following skills are excerpts from the book "Survival for Dumb Idiots" written
by legendary survivalist, Jerry "Moo-Moo" Crockey.
"If lost in the wilderness you can find your direction by locating
stars or even moss. If the view of the North Star is obstructed in the night sky,
try locating the Napple Moon and follow it west. The egyptians did it so
why can't I? Ask yourself that."
"Raising rabbits for meat in times of sparse food is a must. It is also important to
protect your meat rabbits from predators such as foxes or coyotes. Try breaking a
piece of straw and placing it on the rabbits forehead to simulate his eyebrows which will make him looks like he's really mad. Coyotes hate made rabbits."
"My banana won't tell me what's on his mind."
"Remember the phrase "safety in numbers." Staying with a group is a much wiser
and safer choice than traveling along. Try to stay in contact with dudes from Wisconsin with
mustaches. They can probably make you good elk chili."
"If someone in your group passes out, immediately shake them around and give them cpr.
If they haven't regained consciousness within 30 seconds, immediately butcher them for food for the next week. You can make really good strip steaks out of someone's thigh.
"If your friend from Wisconsin with the mustache throws up in your parking lot, immediately
scoop it up and store it. It will make a terrific fire starter after it dries!"
"If needing to travel far on foot is a consideration, also remember to consider trasportation
by way of alpine sled. Just be good at riding them and don't die like
all those kids at Adventure Park in New Jersey."
"Save your money! Saving and spending wisely can let you focus on putting your money
towards purchasing important supplies or food rations. Don't throw your money away like these
ass heads."
"In times of emergencies you can sell your valuable vinyl duck toys for big
monies. During the Great Depression William Brubbler sold his vinyl racing duck
for $3,600 (the equivalent of 18 billion dollars today.)
"Be sure to keep warm clothes handy at all times. This fashion model is sporting
the "Aroma O' Yellow" coat with the very sporty "Lice Hotel" cap. Lookin' good"
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