I'm about tired of lemons.

Know what's crazy? On this day I officially haven't eaten food for

SIX FUCKING DAYS. And I still have a bit longer to go.

I'm doing the "Master Cleanse" detox diet. It flushes out all the toxins and impurities in your

body and leaves you hallucinating about food at night when you're not shitting your guts out. It's great!

For the last six days I've had nothing but water, unsweetened herbal tea, and a "lemonade" made from

fresh squeezed organic lemons, organic maple syrup, hot as fuck cayenne pepper, and water. NOTHING FUCKING ELSE.

How's that for a meal.

"As soon as this is all over we need to start seeing other people for a while, lemons."

I did an "ease in" for a day, and now I'm day 6 out of the 10 I plan on conquering which will lead to a 3 day "ease out" period where my body learns to eat food again.

I'm feeling good so far, just a few days to go.

By the looks of my last headshot, it was well needed.

But really though, I'm not sure if I can remember how to chew.

Morbid 1st Person Missing-Cat Poster & Other Missing Animals

A neat side business is finding missing creatures. 

I watched hugo eat trash a couple nights ago. I approached him to only find out he still remains very fleet footed despite not having home cooked meals. Haven't seen him since though.

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I really did help return this dentally challenged pig dog though. 

MISSING GRANDMA

How do you lose a grandma? I told the kid hanging it up that no-one is going to want to find a grandma that has spiders for eyes. Everyone hates spiders. 

This could save your life.

Survival skills are an essential asset to store in your brainy-brain.

Sure, many people know the basics of survival (how to make a fire with flint,

how to signal for help, how to make a treadle spring snares by cutting notches in branches at a 45 degree angle, etc) but there any many skills that even the most experienced survivalists may not know.

The following skills are excerpts from the book "Survival for Dumb Idiots" written

by legendary survivalist, Jerry "Moo-Moo" Crockey.

"If lost in the wilderness you can find your direction by locating

stars or even moss. If the view of the North Star is obstructed in the night sky,

try locating the Napple Moon and follow it west. The egyptians did it so

why can't I? Ask yourself that."

"Raising rabbits for meat in times of sparse food is a must. It is also important to

protect your meat rabbits from predators such as foxes or coyotes. Try breaking a

piece of straw and placing it on the rabbits forehead to simulate his eyebrows which will make him looks like he's really mad. Coyotes hate made rabbits."

 "My banana won't tell me what's on his mind."

 "Remember the phrase "safety in numbers." Staying with a group is a much wiser

and safer choice than traveling along. Try to stay in contact with dudes from Wisconsin with

mustaches. They can probably make you good elk chili."

"If someone in your group passes out, immediately shake them around and give them cpr.

If they haven't regained consciousness within 30 seconds, immediately butcher them for food for the next week. You can make really good strip steaks out of someone's thigh.

"If your friend from Wisconsin with the mustache throws up in your parking lot, immediately

scoop it up and store it. It will make a terrific fire starter after it dries!"

 "If needing to travel far on foot is a consideration, also remember to consider trasportation

by way of alpine sled. Just be good at riding them and don't die like

all those kids at Adventure Park in New Jersey."

"Save your money! Saving and spending wisely can let you focus on putting your money

towards purchasing important supplies or food rations. Don't throw your money away like these

ass heads."

"In times of emergencies you can sell your valuable vinyl duck toys for big 

monies. During the Great Depression William Brubbler sold his vinyl racing duck

for $3,600 (the equivalent of 18 billion dollars today.)

"Be sure to keep warm clothes handy at all times. This fashion model is sporting

the "Aroma O' Yellow" coat with the very sporty "Lice Hotel" cap. Lookin' good"