Saturday, April 6, 2013

Asian Cats

3 Eye world. Still alive.

I've been thinking about pitching a video series idea to VICE.com about asian cat cuisine
Let me begin,

When I first began my research I knew asians liked their food fresh, but I didn't expect to see a living orange housecat in Joel's asian wife's cabinet. 


I have also recorded her fattening up her future meals. She feeds the cats small portions of her own meal in order to build mass on her future meal subjects like some sort of nutritional pension plan. 


On top of using cats for pets, food, and shoes, Asians have also found ways to harvest cat energy to heat their homes. This unfortunate cat was seen trapped in some sort of holding cell. 
(All) Asians believe the longer you keep a cat alive and confined, the hotter the fire will burn when you use them as fuel during the winter. 


Secret revealed:
The most onry lo mien ingredient is cats.


So far VICE.com hasn't responded back yet. 






Thursday, March 14, 2013

It's 2013

Accessing the internet from a mobile device.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Corey + Gazelle = CorZel

The first post in over 1 month is a new video starring C-Purv. Please ladies and gentleman, go blow-dry your pants clean.



Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm about tired of lemons.

Know what's crazy? On this day I officially haven't eaten food for
SIX FUCKING DAYS. And I still have a bit longer to go.

I'm doing the "Master Cleanse" detox diet. It flushes out all the toxins and impurities in your
body and leaves you hallucinating about food at night when you're not shitting your guts out. It's great!

For the last six days I've had nothing but water, unsweetened herbal tea, and a "lemonade" made from
fresh squeezed organic lemons, organic maple syrup, hot as fuck cayenne pepper, and water. NOTHING FUCKING ELSE.
How's that for a meal.


"As soon as this is all over we need to start seeing other people for a while, lemons."

I did an "ease in" for a day, and now I'm day 6 out of the 10 I plan on conquering which will lead to a 3 day "ease out" period where my body learns to eat food again.

I'm feeling good so far, just a few days to go.
By the looks of my last headshot, it was well needed.


But really though, I'm not sure if I can remember how to chew.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Morbid 1st Person Missing-Cat Poster & Other Missing Animals

A neat side business is finding missing creatures. 


I watched hugo eat trash a couple nights ago. I approached him to only find out he still remains very fleet footed despite not having home cooked meals. Haven't seen him since though.


...
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-

I really did help return this dentally challenged pig dog though. 


MISSING GRANDMA


How do you lose a grandma? I told the kid hanging it up that no-one is going to want to find a grandma that has spiders for eyes. Everyone hates spiders. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

This could save your life.

Survival skills are an essential asset to store in your brainy-brain.
Sure, many people know the basics of survival (how to make a fire with flint,
how to signal for help, how to make a treadle spring snares by cutting notches in branches at a 45 degree angle, etc) but there any many skills that even the most experienced survivalists may not know.

The following skills are excerpts from the book "Survival for Dumb Idiots" written
by legendary survivalist, Jerry "Moo-Moo" Crockey.


"If lost in the wilderness you can find your direction by locating
stars or even moss. If the view of the North Star is obstructed in the night sky,
try locating the Napple Moon and follow it west. The egyptians did it so
why can't I? Ask yourself that."



"Raising rabbits for meat in times of sparse food is a must. It is also important to
protect your meat rabbits from predators such as foxes or coyotes. Try breaking a
piece of straw and placing it on the rabbits forehead to simulate his eyebrows which will make him looks like he's really mad. Coyotes hate made rabbits."


 "My banana won't tell me what's on his mind."



 "Remember the phrase "safety in numbers." Staying with a group is a much wiser
and safer choice than traveling along. Try to stay in contact with dudes from Wisconsin with
mustaches. They can probably make you good elk chili."





"If someone in your group passes out, immediately shake them around and give them cpr.
If they haven't regained consciousness within 30 seconds, immediately butcher them for food for the next week. You can make really good strip steaks out of someone's thigh.



"If your friend from Wisconsin with the mustache throws up in your parking lot, immediately
scoop it up and store it. It will make a terrific fire starter after it dries!"




 "If needing to travel far on foot is a consideration, also remember to consider trasportation
by way of alpine sled. Just be good at riding them and don't die like
all those kids at Adventure Park in New Jersey."







"Save your money! Saving and spending wisely can let you focus on putting your money
towards purchasing important supplies or food rations. Don't throw your money away like these
ass heads."



"In times of emergencies you can sell your valuable vinyl duck toys for big 
monies. During the Great Depression William Brubbler sold his vinyl racing duck
for $3,600 (the equivalent of 18 billion dollars today.)




"Be sure to keep warm clothes handy at all times. This fashion model is sporting
the "Aroma O' Yellow" coat with the very sporty "Lice Hotel" cap. Lookin' good"